


Love, but it's so slashed and torn

by midwinterspring



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), No Pregnancy, Redeemed Ben Solo, Safe to Read if You're Triggered by Pregnancy, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24831247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midwinterspring/pseuds/midwinterspring
Summary: He thought he had nowhere to go. He thought no one would ever care about him. He had been so, so wrong.But now Rey was getting up, and running away. Toward his ship. Once again, like on Crait, he was kneeling, and looking up at her, and watching her leave him.Inspired by "Under Pressure" by David Bowie and Queen
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 35
Collections: Reylo Jukebox Exchange





	Love, but it's so slashed and torn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reylotrash711](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylotrash711/gifts).



> Thank you to ladyofdragonstone for the beta!
> 
> Now with an amazing moodboard by @darthdarcyy!

__

_"Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn  
Why, why, why?..._

_Can't we give ourselves one more chance?  
Why can't we give love that one more chance? " _

"I did want to take your hand—Ben's hand."

He stared up at Rey. His mother had reached out through the Force, and somehow, finally cut through the dark voices in his head. And Rey-

Rey had stabbed him, yes. And then, immediately, poured her own energy into him to heal him. Through their bond, he had felt her concern for him and her willingness to do whatever was necessary. For _him_.

He thought he had nowhere to go. He thought no one would ever care about him. He had been so, so wrong.

But now Rey was getting up, and running away. Toward his ship. Once again, like on Crait, he was kneeling, and looking up at her, and watching her leave him.

"Rey, _please_ ," he said, reaching out through the Force. For a moment, he thought he felt Leia reaching out to Rey as well. He threw the bond as far open on his side as he could. He wasn't offering her the galaxy this time -- he was offering himself, utterly raw and vulnerable.

She stopped and turned, with the sea spray crashing around her.

" _Please_ come back."

He could sense the wild chaos of her emotions. Fear was the most prominent—fear of herself. Fear of no one else ever understanding her. He knew how those fears could twist within oneself, or be twisted by others. Here on Kef Bir, she was closer to the Dark Side than he had ever seen her. Maybe there was a time when he would have been glad for that, but he couldn't be anymore.

She walked back toward him. He exhaled, expecting soreness in his abdomen. It wasn't painful, though. Almost involuntarily, he traced his fingers over the hole in his clothes, reaching in to feel underneath. Just smooth skin.

When she'd healed him, he had felt something tight and itchy across his cheek and down to his collarbone for a moment. Somehow, he knew his scar was gone.

 _Reborn_ , he thought. It was not, could not, be that easy.

"I need to go help the Resistance!"

"But that's not where you're going, is it?"

Rey looked down. "No, it isn't. I can't- I can't do this. I stabbed you." She had started off almost yelling, but her voice trailed off.

"You did. But you healed me, too."

"I don't want to turn," she said, looking away. "I'm going to Ahch-to, and I'm not coming back."

"Rey," he said, very quietly.

She looked at him.

"If you don't want to turn, don't give in to your fear. Don't isolate yourself. Trust me - I know."

It was absurd for him to ask her to trust him. But he sensed her open up a tiny bit on her side of the bond, anyway.

"Where else can I go, exactly? I can't get to Exegol now. You destroyed the Wayfinder."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't want you to go there alone."

"It's not your choice."

"I know. I just… don’t want to see you hurt."

"You don't? You're my enemy!"

He knew he should agree. It should be true. He should pull the Dark Side around him like a cloak, armor himself in hate and fury, and fight her, and the rest of the Resistance. He should destroy them all. He'd had the forces to do so at his command for the past year and yet...he hadn't. He wouldn't. He no longer had any desire to.

"I don't want to be your enemy, not anymore," he said. "There's another Wayfinder in my ship. You'll know how to use it because I do.”

He saw her chest heave as she exhaled, and felt her side of the bond open further. She didn't leave, though. She crouched down and knelt facing him on the steel walkway. Slowly, tentatively, she held up her hand and reached for him.

He took off his gloves and reached for her, palm up like there was a transparisteel wall between them.

When they had touched through their bond, across the galaxy, the connection was intense and electric. Now, in person, skin to skin for the first time, it was something else entirely. When her smaller calloused fingers met his, something shifted in the Force, like an earthquake deep underground. The bond opened further, and all he could sense was Rey, her light and hope breaking through even in the midst of fear. Everything else in his mind went silent, and he reached for her with the Light in him that he had never quite been able to renounce.

Their fingers intertwined, and he felt her take his other hand as well. Her presence felt steadier now. He felt her exhale and saw her shoulders relax.

"Ben?" she asked.

"I will try to be Ben," he said, his voice coming out ragged with grief and regret. Whatever happened after this would be hard, but if he was with Rey, if she would let him be, he knew he would be on the right path.

Rey smiled, her fear receding even more. Then she sighed. "I do need to go to Exegol. The Resistance is in danger."

"Then let me go with you. Especially if you insist on taking my ship."

"I need to. The Falcon is damaged, and I don't know if it will be repaired in time. Plus, you have the Wayfinder."

He felt a twinge hearing her mention his father's ship. "Fine. And?"

"And you can come with me. Are you...will you be okay?"

"Do you mean can you trust me? Will I turn on you?"

She nodded.

"I won't let Palpatine hurt you. I'm ready to be done with him myself. More than ready." Ben shuddered, remembering learning that the Sith lord had been in his head his whole life.

Rey caught that thought and Ben's revulsion through the bond. Her own horror was palpable. "I won't let him hurt _you_ again," she said.

Ben felt so warm at that. All of the times he wanted someone to be on his side, and now someone was.

Neither of them moved, even as the cold ocean around them soaked them with spray. He leaned his forehead against hers. Between them, their bond brightened and became more solid.

Finally, she shifted. “We should get going.” She let go of his hands, and they both stood up slowly.

“I have a few things I need to leave behind.” Ben needed to mark, for himself if no one else, the choice he was making. The choice he would make every day for the rest of his life.

He took off his drenched cloak, then the wide belt, then his tunic, and dropped them in the ocean, along with his gloves. He kept on the soft black shirt he wore under the tunic. He twisted around and stretched, feeling more free to move now that he wasn't being restrained into a rigid posture by his clothing.

He was still holding his lightsaber with the cracked kyber at its heart. He looked at it, then got ready to throw it in the ocean as well.

"No," said Rey, her hand gently restraining his wrist. "You might need that, where we're going. And besides...kyber crystals can be healed. I've done it before."

He nodded, dropping his hands, and knew she was right, and not just about kyber.

*

Rey and Ben went to Exegol together. After everything, it was almost easy. Palpatine was consumed in his own lightning, reflected by their blades and the glowing ferocity of their bond, and the Final Order ships fell from the sky, destroyed by the Resistance and their allies.

Afterwards, they went to Ajan Kloss. Ben was hesitant, but both he and Rey had sensed a quiet presence calling them to the Resistance base. So they listened, landing some distance from other returning ships.

They got out of the ship and Ben was not surprised to see and sense Leia there, slowly walking up to them. Everything he thought of saying was lost as she hugged him and whispered, "Welcome home."

"Thank you," he finally choked out, tears running down his face. "For not giving up on me."

"I never did." Leia stepped back and glanced at Rey, "And it seems I was not the only one."

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I keep writing stories set on Kef Bir!
> 
> The line "he knew he would be on the right path" is a reference to a behind-the-scenes interview Adam Driver did about TROS.
> 
> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/midwintersprin1). Come say hi!


End file.
